Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Ask Parenthesis man - I'm the Boss ?

Dear Parenthesis man,

My almost-9-year-old and I butt heads a lot. She acts like she is the boss and I feel like I am always yelling at her. How do I get her off her pedestal? How do I let her know I'm the boss -- not her?


 I'm the Boss ?


Dear Boss,


"You're not the boss of me!" was the theme song on a popular TV show a few years ago, and it struck a chord with every parent who's had a child proclaim their position as ruler of the roost. Kids easily become little emperors or empresses, and once they've tasted power, they aren't easily talked out of wanting more.


So, restoring your role as The One In Charge isn't a matter of telling your daughter that she can't call the shots, or negotiating with her for the position of boss. It's about calmly and confidently owning that role.


Being what I call the "captain of the ship" in a child's life starts with not being needy. Kids smell fear and desperation in their parents. If you approach your daughter saying, "I need you to start your homework," you've essentially told her exactly how to frustrate you: All she has to do is refuse to do her homework.


Once you've revealed that you need a child to do something and she refuses, you've backed yourself into a corner. Either you give in -- which teaches her that she really is the boss -- or you resort to bribes and threats. Even though you may end up getting your daughter to do what you've demanded, you will have done so from a place of weakness, not strength.


Instead, when you want your daughter to do something, tell her it's time to do it and then, walk away as if you're sure she's going to do what you've asked. "Time for homework, sweetheart. Let me know if you need any help -- I'll be in the kitchen, starting dinner." Act as though you assume she's going to do what you asked. Don't hover!


No doubt, your daughter will probably test you and avoid starting her homework. That's okay. Simply check back in after a few minutes and calmly remind her, "It's time for homework, honey."


The less you come across as needy, the more you can speak from quiet authority. If she says she doesn't want to do it, don't argue; simply acknowledge that you can see she's having a good time playing and it's hard to do something that's not much fun.


Most of all, don't escalate the situation by explaining why she has to do her homework or firing off threats or punishments. Speak clearly, and don't engage in battles or power struggles.


While I don't expect things to change overnight, I can assure you from having worked with thousands of parents and children that the less you come across as needing your daughter to do what you ask, the more genuine authority you'll have.


I often say, "He who is most attached to a particular outcome has the least amount of power." Keep this in mind as you parent, and you'll help your daughter recognize that you really are in charge, which ultimately will give her the comfort that comes from knowing she has a competent Captain of the ship at the helm.
Yours in parenting support,
Parenthesis man


Parentheses man, Praetorian HLG, is a licensed  driver and School Counselor. He holds a MA in School counseling, PPS crendential, . his new book,Parenting Without Guns and Ammo," is now available from the bottom  of your near by dumpster.

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This is the fight of our professional careers. Are You In or Out?

What's taking so long? This is the fight of our professional careers. Are You In or Out? "Hell has a special level for those who sit by idly during times of great crisis."
Robert Kennedy

The Art of SETTING LIMITS, Its not as easy as it looks.

Art of Setting Limits Setting limits is one of the most powerful tools that professionals have to promote positive behavior change for their clients, students, residents, patients, etc. Knowing there are limits on their behavior helps the individuals in your charge to feel safe. It also helps them learn to make appropriate choices.


There are many ways to go about setting limits, but staff members who use these techniques must keep three things in mind:
Setting a limit is not the same as issuing an ultimatum.
Limits aren’t threats—If you don’t attend group, your weekend privileges will be suspended.

Limits offer choices with consequences—If you attend group and follow the other steps in your plan, you’ll be able to attend all of the special activities this weekend. If you don’t attend group, then you’ll have to stay behind. It’s your decision.
The purpose of limits is to teach, not to punish.
Through limits, people begin to understand that their actions, positive or negative, result in predictable consequences. By giving such choices and consequences, staff members provide a structure for good decision making.
Setting limits is more about listening than talking.
Taking the time to really listen to those in your charge will help you better understand their thoughts and feelings. By listening, you will learn more about what’s important to them, and that will help you set more meaningful limits.
Download The Art of Setting Limits

SYSTEMATIC USE OF CHILD LABOR


CHILD DOMESTIC HELP
by Amanda Kloer

Published February 21, 2010 @ 09:00AM PT
category: Child Labor
Wanted: Domestic worker. Must be willing to cook, clean, work with garbage, and do all other chores as assigned. No contract available, payment based on employer's mood or current financial situation. No days off. Violence, rape, and sexual harassment may be part of the job.

Would you take that job? No way. But for thousands of child domestic workers in Indonesia, this ad doesn't just describe their job, it describes their life.

A recent CARE International survey of over 200 child domestic workers in Indonesia found that 90% of them didn't have a contract with their employer, and thus no way to legally guarantee them a fair wage (or any wage at all) for their work. 65% of them had never had a day off in their whole employment, and 12% had experienced violence. Child domestic workers remain one of the most vulnerable populations to human trafficking and exploitation. And while work and life may look a little grim for the kids who answered CARE's survey, it's likely that the most abused and exploited domestic workers didn't even have the opportunity to take the survey.

In part, child domestic workers have it so much harder than adults because the people who hire children are more likely looking for someone easy to exploit. Think about it -- if you wanted to hire a domestic worker, wouldn't you choose an adult with a stronger body and more life experience to lift and haul and cook than a kid? If you could get them both for the same price, of course you would. But what if the kid was cheaper, free even, because you knew she wouldn't try and leave if you stopped paying her. Or even if you threatened her with death.



Congress Aims to Improve Laws for Runaway, Prostituted Kids

by Amanda Kloer

categories: Child Prostitution, Pimping

Published February 20, 2010 @ 09:00AM PT

The prospects for healthcare reform may be chillier than DC weather, but Democrats in the House and Senate are turning their attention to another warmer but still significant national issue: the increasing number of runaway and throwaway youth who are being forced into prostitution. In response to the growing concerns that desperate, runaway teens will be forced into prostitution in a sluggish economy, Congress is pushing several bills to improve how runaway kids are tracked by the police, fund crucial social services, and prevent teens from being caught in sex trafficking. Here's the gist of what the new legislation is trying to accomplish:

Shelter: Lack of shelter is one of the biggest vulnerabilities of runaway and homeless youth. Pimps will often use an offer of shelter as an entree to a relationship with a child or a straight up trade for sex. In the past couple years, at least 10 states have made legislative efforts to increase the number of shelters, extend shelter options, and change state reporting requirements so that youth shelters have enough time to win trust and provide services before they need to report the runaways to the police. Much of the new federal legislation would make similar increases in the availability and flexibility of shelter options.

Police Reporting: Right now, police are supposed to enter all missing persons into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) database within two hours of receiving the case. In reality, that reporting doesn't always get done, making it almost impossible for law enforcement to search for missing kids across districts. This hole is a big problem in finding child prostitution victims and their pimps, since pimps will often transport girls from state to state. The new bill would strengthen reporting requirements, as well as facilitate communication between the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the National Runaway Switchboard

We Must Never Forget These Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen and Women

We Must Never Forget These Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen and Women
Nor the Fool Politicians that used so many American GIs' lives as fodder for the fight over an english noun - "Communism"